I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
