apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
