I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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