i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
