You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
