i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
