Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize