I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
