They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
