Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
