let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
