I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
