you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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