I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
