Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
