Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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