I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
