dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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