how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
