I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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