in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
