apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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