Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
