Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
