This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
