its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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