maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
