so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
