i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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