There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
