Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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