I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
