So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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