There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
