I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
