that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
