He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
