Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize