my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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