it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
