Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize