It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
