don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
