Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
