Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize