Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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