I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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