am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
