probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
