so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize