you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
