some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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