could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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