You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
