I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
