Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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