Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
