I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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