I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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