Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
