lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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