Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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