I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
