I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
