his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
