I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
