I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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