??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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