At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
