How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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