she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
