can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
