I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
