evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
